Before I packed up and moved away for University I had a pretty nice a good routine. Everything has changed in such a different, but a good way.
In the space of these 2 months i have discovered 100s of things about myself that have forced me to be strong, forced me to face things I hated before, and just about life itself. Thing's here can sometimes get slightly overwhelming but everything has shaped me into a stronger person.
University began and it was good, I'll complete that simple task for next lecture no problem. Weeks pass and the classic mid semester panic of all the work due for Christmas sets in. 'All those days off' aren't really days off anymore. I find myself spending hours cleaning my room and my bathroom so it's spotless, just so I can study in a peaceful environment. My mind is always occupied of to-do lists, uni work, deadlines, anxiety, panic, memories and when I can go home.
I've yet to take a trip home like my flatmates have, for no particular reason except my body hurting too much or not having time.
The comfort of having Jack 10minutes away keeps me sane. Living with a group of 8 isn't as bad as it seems, at times the quietness is too odd and it'd be nice just to have someone to talk about rubbish with.
I miss having a lounge I can get up and chill in while still in my pjs, i miss talking about absolute random gossip with my mum just so my mind feels lighter. I miss making my dad a cup of tea or seeing him mowing the lawn every week. I miss the little things of home.
Uni life I've discovered isn't just attending University. It's doing every single thing for yourself, and when you're faced with a chronic illness standard day tasks exhaust me and I find myself collapsed in bed for hours ill.
People tell you of the tales of going out mid week and dancing all night, but they didn't tell me about the mental strain Uni faces you with. Nobody ever told me it would be this hard. Nobody told me I'd need to walk at 1am to my boyfriends just for a peaceful sleep. Nobody told me I'd have to find you un-concious on the kitchen floor. Nobody told me I'd need to stay awake for 24 hours just to make sure you're still breathing. Nobody told me I'd breakdown on the bathroom floor in tears because its to much. Nobody told me the fire alarm in halls goes off this much. Nobody told me the days would fly by and the week would be over before you know it.
But, nobody also told me about that just 'content feeling' you get when you feel like you've actually made some lovely friends. Nobody told me just how lovely an evening of late night halloween punting with friends would be. Nobody told me how nice just casually getting ready with the girls and doing make-up for halloween would be. Nobody told me how last minute invites would be so exciting. Nobody told me about deciding to randomly go clubbing in 20minutes would be so panic inducing. Nobody told me about how much bleach I would go through.
Uni so far has forced me to deal with things people rarely deal with, it's shocked me into situations I never thought I would face, but it's also forced me out of my shell. It's introduced me to an array of characters and people. It's paired me with some beautiful individuals who I would really class as friends. It's shown me just how far people would go to care and look after you or help you with anything. It's shown me that if you text a flat mate at 2am in the rain they'll come and help you.
I guess what i'm trying to say is, you never truly know what people online, bloggers, strangers, the girl you sit next to in lectures or your lecturer themselves is facing. Everyone is facing a battle you know nothing about, be kind. Being at Uni has ingrained in myself to think before I speak. You never really know what people are dealing or have dealt with behind closed doors, words can cut more then a blade would.
At times it's so hard when I sit and do work but I just think of the joy of having that degree and job at the end of it. I think of all the funny pranks our flat have done or the nights we stayed out dancing until the early hours, the odd flavoured shot menu we work through or the long hours of lectures where I leave feeling full of new information.
This uni life is quite cool, incredibly independent, incredibly difficult to deal with at times but when I sit and think about it, it's a pretty cool experience and road I won't be going down again, I'm aiming to enjoy it the best I can. Even through these tough situations we deal with together, it's teaching us, life is always teaching us. It's shown me individuals and myself are a lot stronger than we think, you've just got to keep on learning.
Tomorrow I start my new job at Topshop and get cracking on all my assignments that are due for Uni soon, here goes!
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